"...Do you remember when you loved me
Before the world took you away
Well if you do, then forgive me
And make the world, make it go away..."
Make the World go Away, Elvis
(words & music by Hank Cochran)
Hard to picture how astronomically sensitive I am to American Life. I want to make the world just go away.
Hard for me to overemphasize it. Chemicals, sound of certain frequencies and certain volumes, intense people (what irony! I'm one of the most intense people I know!! IT'S TRUE!!!), stress, even rather weird things like scrambled energy from other people and really 'out there' psychic stuff, weirdness like that--knock me completely for a loop. And it's getting worse.
I wonder if I may need to move to fresher air and cleaner land in order to get well completely. I wonder if I'm going to have to grow everything myself that I eat for the rest of my life. I cannot stomach food additives, I just can't. I can't stomach many of the things sold in produce departments of grocery stores because--get this--my system reacts to chemical fertilizers in high-water produce like watermelons and cantaloupes and they make me sick to my stomach.
I have now lost 42 pounds since this time last year--verified it with the nurse when I was on the scale yesterday. Granted, 27 of those pounds were from fasting and praying during one particular point in time last summer; however, part of why I'm continuing to lose weight is from having to be so particular about what I put into my body.
I thought that by reducing the amount of medications I took, I would also reduce my overall sensitivity but so far that theory hasn't proven itself. I thought that purging my system of this adipose tissue (read: FAT! XD) and the various yuckiness that builds up in adipose tissue would help but neither has that theory proven itself. I'm using both crystals and a very good herb and homeopathic systemic tablet cleanse system on a regular basis but I can barely tolerate the tablet cleanse system. Using it at 1/4th the recommended level is all I can stand and then only one or two days at a time before even the cleanse makes me ill.
I can't breathe around household chemicals. I can't do laundry because I can't endure being exposed to laundry chemicals--well, I haven't the balance to carry a laundry basket anyway. Today my most perfect Assistant Offspring are going to get a box of Ivory Snow laundry soap to wash my clothes and sheets and towels. I have to shower with Ivory soap. Please don't ask about my best friend L'Oreal. I've been coloring my hair since my late twenties. I just did my hair again on Monday. Soon will come the day when I can no longer subject myself to hair color. A sad day that will be too. I started going silver in my late teens. My father went gray early so I imagine it's a genetic thing.
I live in a world of near silence. All my great Beatles and 70's music--listening increases the volume of the tinnitus I live with 24/7. I grew up when loud music was the only way to go, but I couldn't stand it loud even then. Can't play the piano any more. Can't play the guitar anymore. Can't play my wooden recorder any more--yeah, I play the recorder. I haven't watched a TV show since the last episode of Cavemen. My beloved Naruto--no more.
I'm to the point that I can only sign onto the internet once or twice a week, only turn on the computer if I absolutely have to. Can't talk on the phone, can't walk into Elder Assistant's bedroom because she has her little fridge from college in there--all the EMF waves kill me. I've gotten several big hunks of good stones for absorbing EMFs for her and they're helping. In my bedroom, it feels like the power has gone out. I've got black tourmaline EVERYWHERE.
I even keep my cellphone on a slab of rainbow fluorite with a hunk of black tourmaline taped to it. I'm running out of ideas for reducing my exposure to American LIFE.
I'm considering moving. I could move into one of my mother's pieces of property. She has a place in Florida and a very small farm that would both be good. Florida would be good because her property there is nearly on the beach and rather removed from the commercial district. The farm would be good because it is so far out in the lovely Alabama woods that there isn't a road to it. And ah, do I love my sweet trees and forest land! Her property has artesian springs that bubble pure water right out of the ground. My father always kept up with testing the water there at the farm because they have a well. Never has the least bit of anything bad ever shown up.
And the water is cold, and sweet, and getting down on your belly to drink will put you in a new frame of mind. Does me anyway. :D
But I love the ocean too, particularly the Gulf of Mexico. All my disequilibrium vanishes when I'm in the ocean bobbling on the waves. Don't know why that's so, seems contrary to logic. My soul expands near the ocean. When I was younger, I would go out to the beach in the wee hours just to listen to the sounds and watch the movement of the tides, and pray.
I just believe I'll reach a point in my journey back from disability when I'll no longer make progress living where I am now. I'm euphoric about the progress I've made. Until I reach my own definition of glowing health, though, I won't be satisfied.
"Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away..."
Copyright 2008-2009 Parin Stormlaughter, Sparkling With Crystals, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I do not grant reprint permission under any circumstances. Contact me to request permission to link. And remember that if my work gets published anywhere else, I'll pray for you. And perhaps take legal action. Rest assured, prayer is far more powerful.
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