Friday, December 5, 2008

'Twas the Night Before Nut Cakes...

Disability and the holidays.

One must find a way to cope.

Being a creative sort of gal, I tend to create things when I'm stressed. Music, paranoia, poems, food, all sorts of things come to life when I'm under pressure.

Here's this year's Holiday Stress Offering 'Twas the Night Before Nut Cakes.

‘Twas the Night Before Nut Cakes
(With Recipe)

‘Twas the night before Nut Cakes and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except Mother Mouse.

Her stockings had fallen but she didn’t care,
She had to make Nut Cakes so her legs went bare.

She knew that St. Nicholas wouldn’t chop nuts,
She had to make NUT CAKES but she was a klutz.

Her knuckles were raw from the ends to the palms,
The grater was greater on them than pecans.

She finally got sourdough oiled-up and covered,
Collected the last of the items in cupboard,

With Cat on his pillow and Dog in his house,
Sat down with her feet up did smug Mother Mouse.

When out of the bread machine came such a clatter,
She leapt the recliner to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen she flew like a flash,
Tore open the bread machine, threw out her back!

As wild eyes before a loud shouting match glow,
Her face lit up things on the counter below.

She saw not the coffee pot that she had programmed,
She’d turned on the bread machine and it had jammed!

Pets heard her exclaim in her brain-foggy state,
“I’ll never again make Night-Before Nut Cakes!”

Night-Before Nut Cakes

6 tbs butter
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2 eggs
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 cup sherry, apple or orange juice
1 cup fruitcake mix or mincemeat
2 cups unsalted nuts, finely chopped
1/2 tsp cinnamon and 1/2 tsp cloves (omit if using mincemeat)
12 tsp bourbon, divided (optional)

Cream butter and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs until well-blended. Sift dry ingredients. Add to butter/sugar mix alternately with sherry or juice. Gently fold in remaining ingredients.

Divide between 12 paper-lined muffin tins. Bake in slow 275o oven for 30-40 minutes.

Cool on rack. For grownups, pour 1 tsp bourbon on top of each nut cake, cover, and let sit on the counter overnight. Makes 12 nut cakes.

Notes: My ex said one year that he wanted me to make a fruitcake recipe that "mostly nuts with a little fruit". His wish was my command. This makes little cupcake-sized nut cakes with just a bit of fruitcake mix and is a great alternative to traditional fruitcake. Nuts are a migraine trigger for some people. I use pecans and almonds since they don't cause me any problems. Never tried this with peanuts so I don't know how they would do. If anyone does try it, let us know what you think. :)

Copyright 2008-2009 Parin Stormlaughter, Sparkling With Crystals, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I do not grant reprint permission under any circumstances. Contact me to request permission to link. And remember that if my work gets published anywhere else, I'll pray for you. And perhaps take legal action. Rest assured, prayer is far more powerful.


  1. Loved the poem!! You're too funny.....!

  2. Hi,
    Well that sure gave me a giggle..I plan to share it with co-workers.

    Love your blog..happy holidays and happy Nut Cakes!

  3. I hope they enjoy it, Mary Kay. Be sure to credit Parin Stormlaughter as the author. :D

    Thanks for reading.

  4. Sounds yummy, and very much like most of my cooking experiences these days, which often involve mess, injury, and, if I'm lucky, laughter. You are so cute!


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